Many couples feel after a period of marriage that their world revolves mainly around a routine of work, childcare, and tasks and roles to be performed in daily life and that there is no longer as much passion, excitement, interest, and pleasure left as there was between the couple in courtship and romantic infatuation at the beginning of the relationship. It is already difficult to find the time, desire, and strength for shared pleasures and pastimes, sex becomes routine or their frequency decreases, no courtship, no declarations of love, no affectionate gestures, surprises and treats, and often, the relationship is taken for granted and sometimes invested in it. Great boredom.
The partner who at the stage of falling in love is perceived as charming and positive, giving and loving is revealed in his realistic light, also for his negative qualities and begins to seep into the relationship feelings of disappointment, frustration and anger and each partner tries to regain what he lost by changing partner and adjusting to his expectations and needs. When spouses find it difficult to resolve their conflicts together and have an open and direct dialogue between them about their difficulties and savings in a relationship, they turn to the escape routes, where they seek a solution to their unmet needs such as an extramarital affair, work, childcare, sleep or other occupations at home or abroad.
Erosion has many definitions, one of the successful definitions is: a large and lasting gap between reality and my expectations, the greater this gap, the greater the erosion. There are situations where our partner temporarily does not live up to our expectations, this is a natural situation but if it is an ongoing and persistent situation then burnout is formed. Many times we experience burnout that is not directly related to the relationship but to ourselves, i.e. a gap between what I want to be and what I am today, the greater this gap the greater the burnout, even if the burnout is self it still affects the relationship. At the same time, if we feel good in our relationship it affects our perception of ourselves in other areas of our lives and may reduce self-esteem.
Erosion has physical effects such as constant fatigue, lack or excess of appetite, headaches, abdominal pain, back pain. In women, the tendency is for abdominal pain and headaches while in men the tendency is for back pain.
Erosion has emotional effects: sadness, closure, isolation, poor self-esteem. So how do you deal with burnout and narrow the gap between what is desired and what is not?
When it comes to burnout in a relationship, our attitude toward the institution of marriage and the family is a significant predictor. If we treat this institution in the first place as something positive and valuable, there is a good chance that the erosion will be lower in the marriage.
Also, good communication with the spouse and with our wider environment reduces the erosion effect in our lives. It is important to talk to our spouse about other issues beyond issues related to the day-to-day management of the home and children, we should share with each other personal and emotional experiences that have happened to us during the day and week, share with each other dreams and fantasies. Listen and be interested, really be interested in the well-being of your spouse. Try to express appreciation for each other, if something prevents us from telling the spouse about it from a place of sharing and a desire to solve the problem and not out of guilt, if there is anger it is important to express it and not keep it in the stomach, of course not hurting the other. Treating shorts in marital communication can miraculously improve the level of marital intimacy, improve the quality of life and lower the level of burnout in your life, if you have difficulty doing it alone – seek marriage counseling or enrichment workshops, it is important to get timely counseling. Do not wait and postpone because then a small short may lead to disconnection and then already your job of improving and restoring the relationship is much more difficult.